The Wit and Wisdom of Miss Piggy

This gorgeous Miss Piggy Cake was made by Tortas Late.  Miss Piggy is wonderful.  I love her hair and eye lashes.  The black dress and lace gloves that she is wearing are terrific.  Making the background black and white circles is a great touch.  It causes Miss Piggy’s white hair and black dress to stand out more.

Miss Piggy is a master at one liners and snappy comments.  She fancies herself an expert on love, food, fashion and fitness. Because of that, she is always ready to give advice (whether it is wanted or not).  Here is some of my favorite wit and wisdom from Miss Piggy:

• You have to be going to a pretty awful place if getting there is half the fun.
• Smart cooks realize that the easiest cookbook to use is the Yellow Pages and the handiest appliance in the kitchen is the telephone.
• On eating Chinese food: “You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.”
• It is often said that cooking is an art, but I have had very few meals that I would hang on my wall.
• Too much exercise can damage your health.
• For the glamorous look, choose plain-looking dining companions.
• Moi speaks body language fluently, although with a slight French accent.
• There is only one gift you should accept on your first date – diamonds.
• If you place an ad in the Personals, Moi has only one word of advice: lie.
• The early bird gets the worm – which is what he deserves.
• Moi has always possessed a charm that is lethal to men.
• The difference between pretty and beautiful is – pretty is temporal – whereas beautiful is eternal.
• Moi does not recommend dieting. The only way you can lose weight is the same way you lose anything – by forgetting where you put it.
• Who should ask whom out? As long as he’s paying, who cares?
• Eat what you want, exercise your prerogative, and find a good plastic surgeon who gives frequent-flyer miles.
• Never wash your hair with anything you’d hesitate to eat or drink.
• A good place to find a date is under “Eligible Men” in the Yellow Pages.
• The definition of an eligible man: He’s breathing.
• Your future together holds such promise. Why ruin it by telling him your plans?
• Many people think money is something to be set aside for a rainy day. But honestly, how much money do you really need for a dozen or so hours of inclement weather?
• Moi’s hair has natural curls. So does my tail.
• A very common oversight in most weight-limitation programs is to pay excessive attention to the calories you consume rather than to the enormous numbers of calories you routinely avoid.
• You can eliminate a lot of calories by entirely cutting out things you hate.
• Only time can heal a broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.
• How far should a girl go on the first date? Tucson. However, if you live in Texas, you can probably go a bit farther.
• If you’re properly attired, you’re hired. And if you’re not, I don’t care how “Qualified” you may be – it will be a case of “clothes, but no cigar.”
• Home décor is a matter of personal taste although ill-conceived suggestions from husbands may spoil the overall effect.
• Plants are like lamps. You plug them in and they turn right on. When they stop working, just unplug them, throw them away and plug in another.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
• As far as blind dates are concerned, Moi does not discriminate.
• Express your feelings all the time unless you’re trying to hide something.
• All my scenes are my own. A double? Impossible! I am unique.
• When there is something good on TV that everyone is going to watch, the other channels should be courteous and run something like “The History of Socks.”
• Having a dull hairstyle is like putting an olive on top of a chocolate sundae. It makes your whole appearance unappetizing.
• Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store.
• You cannot have too many gowns any more than you can have too many invitations to parties to wear them.
• Beauty takes practice.
• Never let your frog outdress you
• The object of exercise is to achieve your beauty aspirations without perspiration.
• Your hat size never changes.
• For the thin look, buy clothes two sizes too large.
• What is the use of being a fashion plate if all you are going to put on it is peas?
• When you are in love with someone you want to be near him all the time, except when you are out buying things and charging them to him.
• Hang out with weirdos. It will make you look fabulous in comparison!
• Moi believes that Hollywood gives too many awards… to other people.
• If the man is genuinely apologetic, I would let him off with a large bunch of flowers, an expensive present, and a lavish make-up dinner. On the other hand, if he treats it in an offhand manner, he is obviously the kind of person who is not going to knock himself out for you, and you should do it for him.